Ep. 79 The Black Paladin: A Christmas Miracle

How do we say Merry Christmas here at the Firnecast? By defiling all of your beloved Christmas carols, of course! It is our sincere hope that you will never be able to listen to them with pure thoughts again. Not only do we ruin things you hold dear this week, but we also discuss the worst sex bot ever, Dan's new superhero "AIDS Man", and we solve the mystery of who ate the Easter decorations. Happy Christmas everyone, JINGLE BALLS!!!!!!!

http://www.mediafire.com/download/6w7kk2fwm4m1k00/79firnecastfinal.mp3

Ep. 78 Firnecast Chat Roulette LIVE

When we do a live show, we really make a mess of it! Will you enjoy that mess? Who the hell knows?! We talked naked men in guitar cases, the perils of snakes in toilets, and we took phone calls with a one minute time limit! We had an absolutely crazy fun time full of egg nog and laughter, I hope you will too!!! Eeeenjoy this!!!

http://www.mediafire.com/download/ljh4fdaziwuk4ts/78firnecastfinal.mp3

Ep. 77 Stinker Puss

We're back, baby!!! Oh sure, we're a little rusty, but don't you worry, we hit our stride about five minutes before the show is over. Dan brags a lot, we talk about naked family photos, the mystery of milk stout, and a gentleman by the name of Filipenis. Enjoy this sweet darlings, we missed you!!!

http://www.mediafire.com/download/4k8fl97e46hjx00/77firnecastfinal.mp3

REDUX Ep. 68 EpicPeenQuest w/ Grant Lahaie

***Hey friends!!! We are re-posting this most excellent episode with a wonderful guest, Grant Lahaie of EpicPodQuest! Due to technical difficulties with our original posting, this never ended up on iTunes. We cannot let that tragedy stand, so here it is, in all its glory!!! Hope you love it (you will)!!!***

We are joined this week by the beautiful and talented Grant Lahaie of EpicPodQuest and Mad Mixology fame! We forced him to create drinks for us, describe his friend's penises, and say many, many things he will later regret. Join us for an EpicPeenQuest full of sticky Skittles, razor blade cock rings, and many other adventures! Peenjoy it!!!

http://www.mediafire.com/download/pzfcxxuvuafnhfu/68firnecastfinal.mp3

http://mfi.re/listen/pzfcxxuvuafnhfu/68firnecastfinal.mp3

Ep. 76 Squidward Testicles

We're bringing the thunder this week, folks! Not only that, but we're also bringing you tales of naked poncho wearing ninjas, flesh pockets, and Mandy makes a hilarious kangaroo joke. There's a lot of singing, a lot of cursing, and a whole lot of good times on this week's show. Enjoy it responsibly!!!
P.S. Next week we will be re-posting our show with guest Grant Lahaie because of the technical difficulties that prevented it from being posted when it was originally released. We will also be taking the week of Thanksgiving off, but we will be back with a brand new LIVE episode the 1st week of December! Love you!!! ♥

http://www.mediafire.com/download/bsa7kxx9s89ixad/76firnecastfinal.mp3

Ep. 75 BUT O|O

This week we find out that if Dan had a better mustache, he would be a straight up villain, there's no such thing as a "suspicion" of indecent exposure, and Mandy's High School Poetry Corner takes a turn for the bizarre. I'm sure your hrt will be brkn if you don't listen to this episode, so do that!!! And please, as always, enjoy it!!!

http://www.mediafire.com/download/k2mb9dr3o986nmv/75firnecastfinal.mp3

Ep. 74 Mysterious Loaves

This week is just full of wonder, folks! Between the suspicious bread, Dan's new porn name, and Mandy's poetry writing challenge to Katy Perry, your ears will be awash in glorious laughter. Or at least, that's our hope. We also introduce a new segment we like to call "Conspiracy Time" and scare you to death about FEMA. Enjoy it!!!


http://www.mediafire.com/download/l8gars99dgu51yi/74firnecastfinal.mp3

Ep. 73 Christian Apocalypse

Muuuuaaaahahahaha!!!! Welcome to the FEARnecast!!! This episode may start out a little slow (and weird), but when it gets going, look out world!!! Not only do we solve the mysteries of black holes and shooting stars, but we also discuss legal "tender", Ghost Butt-sters, and getting it on with mutants. We will introduce you to a gentleman we call Christian Apocalypse, and you'll never ever be the same!!! Get ready!!!

http://wfodicks.podbean.com/mf/web/p4kb6a/73firnecastfinalFIXED.mp3

Ep. 72 Nip Flap

This week Dan explains that women are just gross, Mandy offers to turn you into a puppet, and we agree that balls are just a weird piece of the anatomy. We also talked about religitics, quivering bodices, and oh so much more! Enjoy this in your ear holes!!!!!

http://archive.org/download/Firnecast72/72firnecastfinal.mp3

Ep. 71 Hippo & Newman

Ways to describe this week's podcast: fried chicken flirting, humiliating high school poetry, prank suicide, losing your dick privileges. There's more, so much more, if only you'll listen! So please listen! We ♥ you and all your ways!!! Oh baby, we love your ways.

http://archive.org/download/Firnecast71/71firnecastfinal.mp3

Ep. 70 Red Lava Death Words

This week we introduce a new and very embarrassing segment: Mandy's High School Poetry Corner. It was indescribably traumatic. We also discussed octogenarian poon, hairy sex muffins, Dan's childhood nemesis, and bacon tickling. Please enjoy this program while listening to beatnik jazz music!!! P.S. Be sure to stick around for the Easter egg this week and hear all about the Newman & Hippo Show!

http://archive.org/download/Firnecast70/70firnecastfinal.mp3

Ep. 69 Heh, heh, 69

Why do clothes become so confining when you're on drugs? Why would would a man ever give up his custom-made lady part couch? Why does our Gramma have a room full of severed Cabbage Patch doll heads? Find out the answers to these questions, and be disturbed beyond measure on this week's episode of.... THE FIRNECAST!!! Enjoy it!!!

http://archive.org/download/Firnecast69/69firnecastfinal.mp3

Ep. 68 EpicPeenQuest w/Grant Lahaie

We are joined this week by the beautiful and talented Grant Lahaie of EpicPodQuest and Mad Mixology fame! We forced him to create drinks for us, describe his friend's penises, and say many, many things he will later regret. Join us for an EpicPeenQuest full of sticky Skittles, razor blade cock rings, and many other adventures! Peenjoy it!!!

https://archive.org/download/Firnecast68/68firnecastfinal.mp3

Ep. 67 Sleeping Bag Tits

Even though we're in a post-Paladin slump, we manage to talk about all kinds of icky things, as is our way. This week, it's alien butt stuff, drunken horse riding, vodka soaked corpses, and the difference between bosoms and teats. Please enjoy this, oh please!!!

http://archive.org/download/Firnecast67/67firnecastfinal.mp3

Ep. 66 Black Paladin: The Final Chapter

This week we will be bidding a fond farewell to the story of The Black Paladin, as written by a 6th grade Dan. We'll laugh, we'll cry, but most of all, we'll learn (that the internet is an incredible archive for the things you may be ashamed of later in life). Also, Dan gets a little anti-religious, we find out what transvestite underpants are, and we find out what it's like to be Trent Reznor's lady. Enjoy (please)!!!

http://archive.org/download/Firnecast66/66firnecastfinal.mp3

Ep. 65 RED FRANK AMBUSH!!!

This week we talked about 44 key pianos covered in baby powder, salamander cooking, and ghost busting wieners... And then something happened... Suffice it to say that we were ambushed on our own show... You guys will just have to listen to get the details on the hijinks!

http://archive.org/download/Firnecast65/65firnecastfinal.mp3

Ep. 64 Impromptu Live Show Debacle!

That's right, we decided to randomly do a live show this week! You will be hearing us unedited and uncensored (which is not necessarily a good thing)! We talked about our impending boob grabbing adventures at WickedCon 2014, a gentleman who enjoys a good fork in the ween, and we present you with the latest installment of THE BLACK PALADIN!!! It's fun (ish) & free, so why not, right? P.S. Stay tuned for the Easter egg to find out one of Mandy's worst fears!

http://archive.org/download/Ep.64ImpromptuLiveShowDebacle/64firnecastfinal.mp3

Ep. 63 Tail Lifter

Well folks, this week we talk about vertical balls, sharks that like to bite butts, and the new name we invented for people that love animals just a little too much! We also get a little ranty on ya, but you like that, don't you? Enjoy it (or try your best anyway)!!!

http://archive.org/download/Firnecast63/63firnecastfinal.mp3

Ep. 62 Liontaur

Your mother wouldn't want you to listen. Neither would ours for that matter. As if that weren't reason enough for you to stick us in your ear holes, then here are some more... We discuss the merits of hiding  your boner with a baby bobcat, we do some sarcasting, and we find out how girthy Saifir's "sword" is! You don't wanna miss out on the fun times, so don't! Listen up, you sweet people that we adore!!!

http://archive.org/download/Firnecast62/62firnecastfinal.mp3

Ep. 61 Unicornholing w/ Pat O'Brien

It's that time of year again, NOWOODSTOCK PREVIEW with the ever charming Pat O'Brien!!! Not only do we talk about the magic of our local music festival in great and loving detail, but we talk about Jumpin' Death Darkhorse and his evil ways, unicorn-holing, and we plan Dan's funeral. We had more fun than is legal in 48 states, so get this in your ears IMMEDIATELY!!! ♥

http://archive.org/download/Firnecast61/61firnecastfinal.mp3

Ep. 60 Drinky Poo

Jesus Camp is a place where children are being raised as veal for extremely large evangelists and bats are beaten to death with Bibles for making the mistake of flying in the building during church service. Not only do we tell you about our alarming experiences there, but we also talk about the time Dan was assaulted by Donald Duck, the Black Paula Deen Paradox, and boogers (unfortunately). Enjoy it!!!

 

http://archive.org/download/Firnecast60/60firnecastfinal.mp3

Ep. 59 Death on a Truck Door

Did you know that Walmart is the closest thing we have to a kink club in Wyoming? Do you know where freshly squozen tequilla comes from? Did you know that Dan once drank hydraulic fluid? If you did know these things, then you amaze me in every way. If you didn't, then join us this week for a time of learning, and hopefully a little fun too! We love you and want your ears to love us back! Squinch!!!

http://archive.org/download/Firnecast59/59firnecastfinal.mp3

Ep. 58 Jumpin' Death Darkhorse

There's more than "meats" the eye to this week's episode, that's for sure! We're talking about an amazing piece of our family history, nipple belts, and wieners... Always wieners. We'll also update you on one of our favorite "Ladies of Weird News," and Mandy's "character" Melinda may stop by for a visit. "Perhaps" I'll use more quotation marks  in this description as well! You will enjoy this, if you let yourself!!! P.S. Stick around for this week's Easter egg & find out what The Riddler Laugh really is!

http://archive.org/download/Firnecast58/58firnecastfinal.mp3

Ep. 57 Wooden Pussy w/ Nayt Jones

This week we will figure out Pinocchio's sexual problems, find out how many holes Swiss women really have, and Mandy will prove once and for all that she can kick really high. Our guest Nayt Jones of EpicPodQuest also gives us the go ahead to mess with Texas and puts up with our bullshit! It's fun, so listen to it!!!

http://archive.org/download/Firnecast57/57firnecastfinal.mp3

Ep. 56 The Firnecast Diet

This week we float the theory that Ted Nugent's ponytail is hiding something sinister. We also reveal Dan's porn star name, talk about our beloved Doug Stanhope, and shamelessly mock a very nice deceased man with an unfortunate name. You don't want to miss this (unless you hate laughter)!!!

http://archive.org/download/Firnecast56/56firnecastfinal.mp3

Ep. 55 Tittoo w/ Sarah Frary

It's an episode full of whiskey induced rambling with our wonderful, special, amazing guest tattoo artist Sarah Frary!!! Mandy will give you excellent advice about using the toilet, Dan will give you flirting lessons, and Sarah will mix philosophical life lessons with hilarity for the best damn mind cocktail you've ever had! Stick around til the end to hear your big chance at a free tattoo of epic proportions!!! You can't not enjoy this. Unless you're against fun. So enjoy it!!!

http://archive.org/download/Firnecast55/55firnecastfinal.mp3

Ep. 54 Mind Vomit

This week a very foul-mouthed George Washington stops by for a visit, we warn you about some extremely offensive mascara, and Mandy's brain vomits uncontrollably.  Plus, you can't miss the newest installment of Are You There God? It's me, Saifir! Eeeeeeeenjoy this (or at least try your best)!!!

http://archive.org/download/Firnecast54/54firnecastfinal.mp3

Ep. 53 Derp.

Let's cut the small talk, shall we? You don't need it, I don't need to think of what to type. So this week, I'm giving you a series of key words and/or phrases to describe the show. Here they are: Elmer Fudd's child with fetal alcohol syndrome, invisible nudity, pooty poo, honor splattering, log pornography. That's all you  need to know. ENJOY!!!

ALSO, Mandy nearly mislabels this as Episode 54, when we ALL KNOW it is Episode 53, right? THANKS FOR FIXING THAT AT THE LAST SECOND, DAN!

http://archive.org/download/Firnecast53/53firnecastfinal2.mp3

Ep. 52 The Bovine Stare

This week Mandy is FURIOUS!!! Why? I'm not telling you, you'll have to listen for yourself. We also discuss Dan's lucky charm (you don't wanna know), the power of the bovine stare, deadly serious fan fiction, and Mandy is right TWICE, that's right TWICE!!! You can't miss hearing the glory that is... THE FIRNECAST!!!

http://archive.org/download/Firnecast52/52firnecastfinal.mp3

Ep. 51 Soiled Dumpster Mattress w/ Todd Misomelius

We're talking balls, dump rasslin', super fat pot heads being rolled at metal concerts, one-sided suicide pacts, and much, much, MUCH more!!! We also give you such gems of advice as: "never lead with the penis" and quotes like "you dehumanized me." Fun times, fun rhymes, and fun... Slimes? I don't know, just listen!!!

http://archive.org/download/Firnecast51/51firnecastfinal.mp3

Ep. 50 LIVE SHOW EXTRAVAGANZA!!!

This week we celebrated our 50th episode/one year pod-iversary by having a one time only LIVE SHOW EXTRAVAGANZA!!! We have a disorganized, crazy, super fun time partying it up and interviewing a very, VERY special surprise guest. Plus, we play a shortened version of the Century Game the classy way, with champagne!

http://archive.org/download/Firnecast50/50firnecastfinal.mp3

Ep. 49 Tummy Time w/ Jim Chadman

This is the kind of episode that would make our guest, "Jackoff" Jim Chadman from Not Safe for Watercoolers, roll over on his stomach. Why would he do such a thing? Well, you just listen & find out! Also, we talk about a man's penis-t, Kelly Kapowski-ski-ski motherf*cker, and Dan sings something that will most likely haunt him forever. Get it in (unless it's just too big) your ears!!!

http://archive.org/download/Firnecast49/49firnecastfinal.mp3

Ep. 48 Phoenix Eye!

Let's face it, Mandy gets a bad case of the giggles this week. Totally unrelated to alcohol consumption. Dan provokes Scientology (again) and explains just how he got to be so damn cool. Also, we reveal a deep, dark secret at the end of the show that will forever haunt us. Things will never be the same at THE FIRNECAST. Enjoy it... If you dare! 

http://archive.org/download/Firnecast48/48firnecastfinal.mp3

Ep. 47Judge Dan's B.J. Court

We know you listen to our podcast because of the in-depth and thoughtful discussions of topics that matter. We are proud to say that this week is no exception. Anal cleavage, blood-soaked hymns, and the many uses of tooksbury mustard are just a few of the subjects we turn our insight upon. You'll learn AND laugh, friends. Get it IN (your ears)!!!

http://archive.org/download/Firnecast47/47firnecastfinal.mp3

Ep. 46 Accidental Racist and Hiding Your Pope Boner

We are ranting it up for you this week with such topics as naked baby eating, how easy it is to hide boners in a Pope outfit, the fact that Dan is a horrible sinner that says horrible sin-y things, and why you don't ever EVER f*ck with Alien Al. Eeeeenjoy this thing we call The Firnecast!!!

***!!!***WALKING DEAD FINALE SPOILER FROM 10:05-10:07 LISTEN AT YOUR OWN RISK***!!!***

http://archive.org/download/Firnecast46/46firnecastfinal.mp3

Ep. 45 Gayliens w/ guest Alien Al Firnekas

Alien Al has returned to the show and he's rapping about Hennessy, blunts, and lawn mowing (a combination that only he could pull off)! We also try to get him a'cussin and find out if God has hooks for hands. This is a double-barrelled jumping jiminetty of an episode, just you listen!!!

http://archive.org/download/Firnecast45/45firnecastfinal.mp3

Firnecast Update

Hi everyone! Thank you all so much for the kindness and support you've shown us. We can't express how much it means to us. Please listen to this episode for information regarding the future of our show.

http://archive.org/download/FirnecastUpdate/FirnecastUpdate.mp3

Ep. 44 With New Firnecast Member MIKE MOORE from WHEELBARROW FULL OF DICKS

Oh get ready!!! You get ready, people! We have a shocking announcement, plus all kinds of fun topics! What topics, you say? The necessity of balls, execution diapers, and pooping. Lots and lots of pooping. You will love this AMAZING GIANT SIZED episode!!! Or else.

http://archive.org/download/Firnecast44/44firnecastfinal.mp3

Ep. 43 Dvagina Unchained

This week we'll have you asking yourself the important questions in life. Questions like: What's it like to punch a Frenchman? Can your genitals be trusted? Are American accents sexy? Why does Dan behave so inappropriately at the urinal? Yes, we'll make you think, but we also hope you have a little fun along the way.

http://archive.org/download/Firnecast43/43firnecast2final.mp3

Ep. 42 The Molestation Bus w/ Special Guest Frank Branches

A normal sized episode just can't contain the still-beating heard of Wicked Radio Network, Frank Branches.  We had too much wind breaking, Pabst Blue Ribbon can throwing, trucker flashing, and ankle penis-ing for just one hour.  You'll thank us later. Or maybe you won't, but we won't care. We had fun & you will too!!! Or else.

http://archive.org/download/Firnecast42/42firnecastfinal.mp3

Ep. 41 Robot Jesus w/ Special Guest Matt LeRoy

This week the beautiful and talented Matt LeRoy of Dead Men Talking and Vamp Cast joins us to talk about the important things in life.  By that, of course, we mean that we talk about Transformers 2: All Robots Go to Heaven, swooning Dan, and the greatest cause of all: Sluts Unite. We couldn't let the Dead Man himself get away without a little Walking Dead talk either, so you will enjoy that!!! Yes you will!!!

http://archive.org/download/Firnecast41/41firnecastfinal.mp3

Ep. 40 A Bit Much

We're getting just a little creepy this week as we talk about celebrity lady pillows (and other parts), the hardness of fellow podcasters, and public nudeness (or lewdness).  You'll also be hearing Chubby Checkers sing about his wiener and Sean Connery trapped in a jar. You can't miss out on that amazingness! Can you? You can't.

http://archive.org/download/Firnecast40/40firnecastfinal.mp3

The Bleeding Ear Awards

Wicked Radio Network invites you to the most prestigious awards in all of podcasting history. The very first annual Bleeding Ear Awards.  It was a night of laughter, fun times, and yes folks, even a few tears.

http://archive.org/download/BleedingEarAwardsShow/BEASaudio.mp3

Ep. 39 Pope: The Musical

This episode has a little bit of everything for you! Singing Popes, half human horse babies, lady pouches, and good old fashioned balls!!! Not those kind of balls, you pervert. Okay, it is. Balls are funny and everybody knows it. Put this in your ears now, I say! NOW!!!

http://archive.org/download/Firnecast39/39firnecastfinal.mp3

Ep. 38 Breast Crest

It's time to hug your favorite hillbilly close and cuddle up for a discussion about topics such as: what Dan does at the urinal, the secret meaning of milk carton arrows, and blue waffle hauntings. Oh, you'll get an earful this week. Yes you will.

http://archive.org/download/Firnecast38final/38firnecastfinal.mp3

Ep. 37 BRODY STEVENS vs. The Vacuum Drinker

This week we have a very, very, very (did I say very?) special CELEBRITY guest, comedian Brody Stevens (The Hangover 1 & 2, Due Date, Enjoy It! on HBO)!!! We ask him about all the important topics: comedy, movies, facial hair, and riding on Zach Galifianakas' scooter. We also regale you with charming stories about bippy boppers, wrinkled prostitutes, and what happens when you accidentally kiss your aunt on the mouth. ENJOY IT!!! #YES #PUSH

http://archive.org/download/Firnecast37/37firnecastfinal.mp3

Ep. 36 Penkiss

Here we are folks, givin' it to you the way you like! Bible abductions, Skype nudity, and very special visit from our friend Vernal Wankerhymen!!! Also, Dan does a little something we like to call "Charlie Sheen-ing". Get it in (your ears)!!!

http://archive.org/download/Firnecast36/36firnecastfinal.mp3

Ep. 35 Boop!

*** Please forgive us for the audio quality of this week's episode... The FirneCastle was under siege.*** If you can power through a bit of tinniness, you will find comedic gems such as unfurled lady pillows, The Ballad of Creepy Dance Guy, and fights with guys in wheelchairs. You do NOT want to miss this... Or at least, we think you might like it! Please like it! Please!

http://archive.org/download/Firnecast35/35firnecastfinal.mp3

Ep. 34 Roker Bomb

Grab your margarita mix and settle in for an uncharacteristically unstructured episode! We were having so much fun inside Al Roker's pants that we didn't make it to the rest of our segments. Ah well, please enjoy this episode full of cigar eatin', Dave horkin', sweater dingo-in' good times!!!

http://archive.org/download/Firnecast34/34podcastfinal.mp3

Ep. 33 Two Finger Howdy

This week's episode is not, I repeat, not for those with heart conditions.  You'll be on the edge of your seat as you hear a harrowing tale of snowmobiles and gastric distress, learn the ol' two finger howdy, and find out what lurks inside the belly of doom. Enjoy responsibly!

http://archive.org/download/Firnecast33/33podcastfinal.mp3